By Nate Jones, NAMI NH Board Member and School Psychology Team Leader at SERESC
Summer can be a time of fun, relaxation, and adventure. Summer can also be a time when the routine, predictability, and care provided at school are lost. Every child, every family, and every educator has their own unique experiences in the summer. These experiences shape the person we are that first morning of school in the fall and may shape who we are for the rest of our lives.
The foundation of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) is developing the skills needed to be a well-regulated person in any situation. The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) has identified five core components of SEL: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making. On their website, they provide resources for families and educators on teaching these 5 critical skills to our children, and how we can improve them in ourselves. Many schools in NH are implementing strategies and resources from CASEL in their work to teach students greater SEL skills.
Returning to school in the fall can be exciting. New teachers, new peers, and for some a whole new school provide opportunities to learn and grow for each student. For many, this excitement is about something specific and helping our children find those specific positives can be powerful. As parents, talking with our children about just the first activity at school they will enjoy, one topic they hope to learn, one friend they are looking forward to seeing can be far easier.
Many children also experience distress as the new school year begins. Much of this worry can be appropriate as school is an experience that is supposed to include challenge, novelty, and frustration. Parents should not feel responsible to alleviate all feelings of distress about school. Instead, recognizing, validating, and discussing ways to manage those feelings are often the best approach. School can be hard, and that is ok.
Mastering the skills to manage the challenges, frustrations, and novelty of school comes with practice. Parents can support this practice by encouraging our children to be active in the problem-solving process with school. This means parents not contacting the school directly when a problem first arises (note, unless safety or another significant concern is present). Instead, parents can help our children brainstorm solutions they attempt on their own and then following up the next day to see if the solution was effective or needs adjusting.
Too much distress, however, can require action. Parents can recognize and discuss the signs of distress such as a child not feeling like themselves; showing agitation through anger, anxiety, or moodiness; withdrawing from other people and activities; having poor self-care or increasingly risky behavior; or feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, or worthless. UNH provides more information about the 5 Signs of Emotional Suffering.
There are many resources available to families here in NH who need extra support around emotional and behavioral health. The NH Children’s System of Care website has many resources for families. The NAMI NH Information and Resource Line, 1-800-242-6264 (press 4) or info@NAMINH.org, provides access to resources here in NH including a broad array of facilitated support groups. Parents can also reach out directly to their child’s teacher or others in the school like their school counselor or school principal. For children experiencing more significant distress, Community Mental Health Centers are available across the state. Additionally, your child’s pediatrician and other care providers can be resources.
Finally, remember, school is supposed to challenge our children to learn and grow. Success earned through hard work can be exciting and new knowledge and skills should be celebrated. When schools incorporate Social Emotional Learning into the curriculum, students can learn to manage themselves and engage more actively in their own education. Our goal as parents should not be to remove all the stress and frustration from school. Instead, our goal should be to help our children learn to manage and overcome those emotions as part of their learning.
